A woman in Detroit found Jesus. He was hiding in an alley two blocks away from a church. When asked why He has been so elusive, despite the nation-wide manhunt spearheaded by a joint commission consisting of both Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormons, He had nothing to say...because he is a statue. The statue was stolen from a church a few weeks ago, and apparently has been hanging out in a alley. Authorities believe that the statue was stolen to be melted and sold for scrap copper, but when the thieves figured out it was plaster they ditched it.
In other news, the toilet on the international space station has been fixed. Turns out the only repair necessary was to have a crazed Russian smack it with a stick. Because thats how you fix things on Russian space station...
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