News

A few things to talk about today, most of which would be awkward in comic form.
First, a winner of the caption contest has been chosen, and the comic will be up in a few days. Thanks again to everyone for posting ideas, some of you owe me a new pair of pants.
Next, this really has been a crappy week to be famous. Dr. Jerri Nielsen, Michael Jackson, and Billy Mays had a particularly rough week. Of the three, it is Billy Mays whose death has affected me the most.
Obviously I did not know Billy, and many of you may be wondering how I could possibly care about the screaming man in the blue shirt. I have always made fun of Billy Mays, and I have never believed in the validity of products sold through direct response media (infomercials). I always considered Mays to be an "if it exists and can make me money I'll sell it" kind of guy. Then Discovery began airing a show called "Pitchmen". This show followed Billy Mays and his business partner Anthony Sullivan as they found new products, filmed commercials for them, worked with the inventors, and ultimately marketed the products.
Pitchmen showed a different side of Billy Mays. It showed that although it was in fact difficult to fit his ego in a room with anyone else, he also cared very much about the products he sold. He used all of the products that he sold, and was passionate about being successful for the inventors. Billy had realized the American Dream (if such a thing still exists), and his goal in life was to help others do the same.
So I guess Billy Mays' death shows the power of television and its influence on my generation. I felt like I was just getting to know Mays, and now he will never yell at me at 3am ever again.
On a separate note, I believe Billy Mays may have single handedly built and destroyed the infomercial business. Go ahead, name another pitchman (Anthony Sullivan doesn't count since I just mentioned him). That guy from shamwow? He beat up a hooker, how successful will he be selling family products. Who else? Who could possibly step in and be the next Billy Mays? It can't be done. Elvis could not be replaced, Bruce Lee could not be replaced, and Billy Mays won't be replaced. Direct response media will never be the same.
In conclusion: Someday I will grab a bottle of Oxiclean and yell about how great it is, my kids will look at me like I'm crazy, and I will be a bit sad...

This has been a bad week

Blew Elvis right off his cloud...

Beep!

The king is dead...again...

Buy Stuff!!!!!!!!

Reader Caption Contest #1

Altight then, people who actually read this thing. Here is your chance to contribute to the funny (read: free labor for my comic). Come up with the best caption you can for this picture, and I will use this frame and your caption to make an entire comic. Thanks for reading...

Question...

Was Hellboy's father a jar of mayonnaise?

Rx Poop Stoppers

Yes! Is funny because go mean to relieve yourself!

TV

Your move, republicans...

MST3K

Today HBO showed Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie. Woot!

Online Poker

The U.S. Attorney's office has frozen over $30 million in winnings owed to online poker players in an attempt to crack down on the online poker industry. Players who recently attempted to deposit checks from online winnings, many of which depend on online poker to pay their bills, were greeted by a wonderful bounced check fee. While the government contends that online poker is illegal, the actual laws regarding the issue are so vague that no one can actually tell one way or another...

This is seriously fucked up. I am ecstatic to see that our government, having solved all our other problems, is now going after the assets of law abiding citizens. Why is this happening? Who at the justice department was attacked by online poker as a child? Who decided it was worthwhile to waste taxpayer money to come and take away mine?

Honestly, I am so pissed right now I can barely compose a coherent sentence (as I am sure you can tell). My gas and electricity are both about to get shut off due to an unexpected emergency room visit that has left me completely broke, and my only hope for paying these bills was to win a poker tournament. Now I can't do that because some jackass, who I am sure is well payed, decided to throw a fit and take the money away from me. I can't get a job that will pay me enough to cover these bills in time, and I don't own anything of value that I can sell, so what am I supposed to do? I won a free tournament to get into this larger game, and now it won't even matter if I win...guess I better start finding some candles...

Maintain the status quo...

Jerry Orbach would have definitely sang about that...

Dog breeds are wierd...

Skeptic

I don't know if ghosts exist or not, but I do know that intriguing video and audio evidence has been put forward by investigators who are dedicated to using scientific research methods. Because of this, I think we should maybe look into it a bit. Research it from the perspective of "let's find an explanation for what people have been experiencing" rather than "lets bust out some psychics and prove ghosts are real".
Some people, however, refuse to think that anything outside of current scientific knowledge could possibly exist, no matter the potential evidence for it. And some blatantly refuse to look...

This...is...awesome...

I wish I had the money for this. This may be the coolest thing ever.

A New Hope

Another Chance

Notice the king's chair is missing...