This post broke

Today at work I saw a magnificent example of professional written communication. One of the stalls in the bathroom is out of order. But what sign awaits the weary traveler, searching for reprieve? A simple, handwritten sign that read "This one broke, Don't use". As far as I am aware it has always been considered unprofessional to use informal (speaking) language when writing objective or public service information. Given that, this sign confuses the hell out of me. Its not only written in an informal manner, but it essentially uses language that should qualify as sub-koine vernacular. If this sign represents common spoken English, our language is boned. Don't believe me? Go read the declaration of Independence, or anything written by Thomas Jefferson for that matter. Take Shakespeare to a public school in downtown St. Louis and ask people on the street to read and explain any passage. Now take those same people and ask them to read and explain a verse from any recent rap song. I guarantee the latter will generate more coherent interpretations.

Don't get me wrong, I don't blame rap for the degeneration of the English language. I blame this simple fact, posited to me by one of my psychology professors in college: people are lazy. The majority of human behavior is dictated by our inherent laziness. We create stereotypes because our brains are too lazy to form and retain independent information about everyone we see, so we create shortcuts to save time. We group numbers together because we are too lazy mentally to remember longer numbers (think about your phone number vs. your bank account number, which are you more likely to remember?). We have microwaves because we are too lazy to cook real food, TVs because we are too lazy to go outside, and Bill O'Reilly because were too lazy to form angry mobs. This degradation in English is not a cultural phenomenon, its not the expression of a new generation, its the manifestation of our laziness. We are too lazy to read, too lazy to learn to speak our language properly. We are not reverting to earlier versions of the language, and we are not incorporating Gullah or any other language. We are simply lazy.

Ever seen the movie idiocracy? That is were this language is leading us. We will have the masturbation channel. We will have commercials that say "Carl's JR: Fuck you, I'm Eating". This has moved beyond the realm of debating the legitimacy of "aint" and right into complete innanity. Please learn to speak english. Please teach your children to speak english. If you are unable to learn to speak enlish, then please refrain from having children. The future of professional communication depends on it.