Space-Time

I believe that, although a brilliant physicist, Einstein neglected a crucial element when investigating the relationship between mass and time. While Einstein did say that an objects mass effects how it experiences time, i.e. the more massive an object is the more it distorts space-time. He neglected to take into account an objects position in space relative to surrounding masses. For example, although the pharmacy technician assures you that your prescription will be filled in 15 minutes, it actually takes 45. How can it be that these seasoned professionals are consistently wrong about the amount of time it takes to complete the core task of their position? The simplest answer is this: Space-Time is distorted differently within the confines of a pharmacy than outside of it. Perhaps the average pharmacist is less dense than the average person, or perhaps pharmacies are constructed of some magical material...I don't know, I'm not a doctor. But somehow, time moves slower within a pharmacy. And the most disturbing part of this phenomenon is that it has begun to spread to other establishments (I blame the LHC). Drive through windows for example- "Please pull forward and we will bring your food out to you in just a minute". Right. Somehow that minute turns into 10 and I'm late for work. Thanks ass hat.

NASA needs to invest time and money into investigating this phenomenon. Better yet, they should pay me to do it for them. But I will need lots of money...and a car...and an expense account...

This atrocity must be addressed, for the love of God somebody please think of our impatient children.