Kaboom!!!!!!

Today Iran test-launched weapons capable of striking Israel. Israel has said that if Iran does not discontinue all nuclear enrichment programs they will attack Iran. Iran has stated that they will retaliate if Israel attacks them. Where the hell is Winston Churchill when you need him? Seriously, we are all hosed. Where have the strong world leaders gone? People capable of stepping in and doing what had to be done. They have been replaced by Ol' George W. "Ramblin'" Bush and his "We need to fiximacate the middle eastish areas through militaryistic manuveration", while every once in a while Cheney jumps in with "don't forget about the oil!". And who the hell knows what is actually going on? The Iranian Special Guard leaders have stated that the act was to "demonstrate Iran's capability in hitting its enemies accurately at the early stages of their probable attacks against the Islamic Republic." All the while Ahmadinejad is saying that Iran does not want war. All of this goes on without thought one as to the well being of the people caught in the middle of these crossfires.

World events continue to play out dictated by the rich while the people they are supposed to represent die in the process. The men who call the shots, who decide to insight rage and invoke "patriotism" for the sake of financial gain, they are not the ones who kill their fellow man following a force fed ideal. They are not the ones who lay dead in the streets of a foreign country while other men in neatly pressed uniforms inform their families that they have been of "great service to our country". They don't spend their time hiding in their house scared to death that a bomb may kill them in their sleep, or that someone who disagrees with their religion may murder them on their way to temple or mosque.

Don't think I am just an anti-war hippie either. Their is a time when war is necessary. When millions are being slaughtered simply because one rich man thinks he is better than the rest, action must be taken. When the threat to the lives of your family and friends is imminent, action must be taken. But when innocent people die because one group believes themselves to be superior to another, then all logic is lost. Country is an arbitrary designation based on current economic situations. Cultural differences are very real, but never worth dying over. Churchill knew this. He continues to work through his children and grandchildren to convey this message. Israeli, Iranian, Iraqi, American, French, we are all people. It's pathetic that we put so much energy into killing each other. If only scientist ruled the world.

Our only hope may be that a universal threat appears and unites all people on a common front. My guess, it's gonna be the raptors. Hopefully it will be the Sith though, because lightsabers would be bas ass...

Do they even sell fish by the barrel?

Went down to Bennett Spring for the 4th of July (or explosion day for those in the mid-west). Bennett Spring is, first, one of the coolest places in the state of Missouri that I have ever seen. It is, unfortunately, also the most frustrating. Bennett Spring is a natural spring which feeds into the Niangua river, and the department of fish and wildlife runs a trout hatchery there. The trout from this hatchery are then loaded BY THE TRUCK-FULL into the spring. All around me people are pulling fish out of the water like God himself was compelling the fish to jump into their nets. I, on the other hand, must have propitiated the wrong fish gods. I caught one fish. One rainbow trout. In a stocked lake. Stocked daily. Crap. I tried everything short of jumping in the water and wrestling the fish to shore by hand (coincidently, there is a printed rulebook that forbids this) and still caught only one damned fish. Catching one fish in a stocked lake is like going home alone from a hooker convention. Its frustrating to say the least.

And We're Back...

After much delay, I can once again provide the world (rather the four people that read this) with my random crap I call writing. So without further ado...(A Dew?)

Found a kick ass Irish pub last night. A place called Clancy's, which looks to be a converted house. The entirety of the establishment fit inside approximately 800 square feet. The bar looked like it was propped on cinder blocks, and the front door looks like a kitchen entrance. The patrons inside were slightly shocking as well. Most of the people were middle aged, and wore clothing that demonstrated their wealth. Overall, the place was laid back, fun, and had $4 pints of Guinness.

On another note, I am currently watching Jurassic Park II, after which I will be investigating my house for potential Velociraptor entry points. You can never be too careful, spare no expense....

Huh?

Today I saw what was probably the most useless thing I have ever witnessed. I saw a deaf man at McDonald's...completely deaf...rocking out and playing air guitar. Complete with monotone humming. The guy was using sign language, could not hear a damn thing...so what does this accomplish? At first, I was in shock. I could not imagine why this man would do this. It seemed me to be the same as if I were to try using sign language to talk to him. I don't know sign language! I would probably end up accidentally calling his mom a whore and get my ass kicked.

Whats the point of this ridiculous and slightly offensive story? This man reminded me of another group of people who, like him, are exerting a significant amount of energy making noise with no apparent concept of what they are saying. This group of people is, of course, the hard-core conservatives of this country. The conservative reaction to the Supreme Courts decision to require due diligence for Guantanamo Bay detainees has been appalling. Specifically, Monica Crowley, a conservative radio talk show host, has been the most disturbing. Crowley has stated that by allowing detainees to have a Federal trial we are putting national security at risk. She continues to mock anyone who supports these rights for detainees, saying that they are "Liberal Crybabies" who would rather whine than protect our country.

This is pathetic. The Supreme Court has not voted to grant amnesty or release detainees. They have simply voted to require the same standards of a trial that any criminal in this country can expect. Why is this a crime? How does this put our national security at risk? We are putting them on trial, not giving them ice cream and cake! The statements made by Crowley and others show their lack of faith in the United States judicial system. Oh crap! If we put them on trial they may be found innocent! Then who will we blame? Why can't we just take them out back and shoot them now and avoid the possibility that they could be innocent?

To preface: I am making no statements to the guilt or innocence of those being detained at Guantanamo Bay. I am not an attorney, nor am I familiar with the intricacies of the cases. However, I would like Crowley and her colleagues to consider the following scenario: Imagine you are detained in a foreign country. Imagine that you are indeed innocent, and have been unjustly detained. Now imagine that a group of people in the country where you are being detained have classified you as less than human, grouped you with other detainees (all of which for the sake of this hypothetical are guilty), and punish you without a proper trial. Everyday before this you will be screaming about your God-given rights as a human being, and that you deserve the opportunity to prove you are innocent. Unfortunately for you, the country where you are being held believes that those God-given rights only extend to their citizens. Sorry, but you are clearly guilty because we say you are. I am willing to bet that in this situation you would be pleading for a "liberal crybaby" to come along and help.

If your going to argue that detainees do not deserve a Federal trial thats your business. But if you are, then please have a logical reason for doing so. Do not resort to playing on a false sense of patriotism, do not demonize those who disagree with you, and do not continually use Barack Obama's middle name as if it some how makes him a terrorist. This is childish, and the final refuge of a weak mind in an argument. Do not call me a terrorist, or question my dedication to the security of my family and country because I disagree with your opinion on this matter. Grow up. Learn to debate without name calling and self-righteousness.

Unattainable Aspirations

It seems to me that people spend too much pursuing things that there is no way in hell they can get. Think about it. Have you ever been sitting with someone, watching TV, and some insanely hot woman comes on, prompting the other guys in the room to begin to outline in somewhat disturbing detail how they would like to spend an evening with her? Exactly, I'm sure the millionaire actress in interested in your Dixie cup and gopher fantasies. Hey, guess what...Its not gonna happen buddy.

It all reminds me of when I was aboot 4 years old. I became completely fed up with my parents and decided to run away from home. Now, I wasn't one of those retarded kids who packs up his stuffed animals and leaves in the middle of the night. I packed up two boxes of Cheerios and a blanket and hit the road. I was on my way to Canada to become, umm...a Canadian I guess, and I knew what it took to get by in the world. Unfortunately after discovering that they won't sell bus tickets to 4 year olds I was stranded at a bus station in North Carolina with a half box of Cheerios and no money. Not a good place to be. To sum up the rest of the story, I learned a very hard lesson about what it takes to make money as a four year old in a bus station...

The moral of the above story is that you shouldn't spend your time wishing you had something that you can't have and use that time to develop those things you can. This is a hard lesson to learn. It took me several years to cope with the fact that I could never be Canadian. I could never be the man that Colin Mochrie was...My dreams of proudly smoking dope and playing hockey were crushed, and I would never be the same again. But I grew up, I moved on, and I learned not to watch re-runs of "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" late at night...

Sorry for the aboot a few paragraphs ago, I guess some dreams never completely die...

Jesus Has Been Found!

A woman in Detroit found Jesus. He was hiding in an alley two blocks away from a church. When asked why He has been so elusive, despite the nation-wide manhunt spearheaded by a joint commission consisting of both Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormons, He had nothing to say...because he is a statue. The statue was stolen from a church a few weeks ago, and apparently has been hanging out in a alley. Authorities believe that the statue was stolen to be melted and sold for scrap copper, but when the thieves figured out it was plaster they ditched it.

In other news, the toilet on the international space station has been fixed. Turns out the only repair necessary was to have a crazed Russian smack it with a stick. Because thats how you fix things on Russian space station...

How do you say alien in Mayan?

After seeing Indiana Jones, I am certain that I understand how that movie came into being. George Lucas was sitting around drinking...heavily...and saw a prop head from Aliens. Mr. Lucas then proceeded to stand up and exclaim "Bugger all, let's write a bloody movie!" And thus Jones the fourth was born.

The movie was entertaining. Suspend any recollection of the real world you may have, and the movie is funny. But there were a few things that really bothered me. 1) While a lead lined refrigerator may in fact shield you from some radiation, it will not shield you from a several hundred foot fall. They would have opened that fridge and Ol' Henry would have been broken and dead. 2) I have a degree in Classical Greek. If someone came to me and was speaking ancient Greek, I would have no idea what they were saying. Ancient languages are taught as a reading skill, not speaking. Just because he is an archaeologist it does not mean he can speak ancient alien. 3) Who were the psychotic people guarding the tomb? Who were the guys who came out of the walls at the temple? What was the gift that the "inter-dimensional beings" wanted to give them? How did Marian survive getting whacked by that branch? Who stole the skull in the first place? Why would the conquistador go looking for a skull that he also was apparently the one who stole? How did Jones become the Associate Dean when all evidence of his discovery were destroyed? All evidence of all his discoveries has been destroyed?

They took half a good movie, and then filled the rest of it with crap. I was entertained, but I don't think I will see it again.