Why is everyone suddenly fascinated with "all-natural" products and "organic" foods? While this movement began quite some time ago, the advertising for such has only recently become pervasive enough to warrant notice. And having caught my attention, it has just as quickly annoyed me greatly.
Today I saw a commercial (it has been on six times in the last two hours) advertising "all-natural" cleaners made from plant oils. I would like to know, first off, how this is even possible. At what point did it become evolutionarily advantageous for a tree to produce oven cleaner? Too many tree dinner parties ruined by a burnt roast? Last time I checked plants tend to make things dirty. Go roll down a hill a few times if you need proof. If grass could clean things wouldn't soccer moms have figured that out a long time ago? "Little Jimmy got grass stains all over his clothes!" would turn into "Little Jimmy's clothes are so clean and bright that today he permanently blinded the neighbors and was mistaken for Jesus twice!" Screw "all-natural" cleaners, give me hardcore chemicals that will either remove the dirt or eat through the metal.
And what the hell are "organic" fruits and vegetables? Have you ever encountered inorganic food? Inorganic life? Seriously, why is NASA spending billions of dollars looking for organic materials as the starting point in the search for life outside earth if we have proof that inorganic life exists right here on our own planet? Couldn't there be an entire race of super inorganic carrots on Mars plotting our demise as we speak? Personally, I think this warrants a major overhaul of NASA's budget and funds allocation.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Doh...
Apparently I have been replaced. I used to be a drummer, but now I am an ex-drummer. For a while I played guitar, and then for a time I was a drummer who moved away. But for the last month I have apparently been an ex-drummer and I didn't even know it. Someone should have told me...what if I had spread this condition to someone else? Here I am wandering the earth with potentially communicable bandlessness, giving it to God knows who, with no regard for human safety. The CDC would crap butter.
And to the new guy, who is probably a better drummer but potentially less funny than I, I have this to say: you are now required to read this blog. No matter how God-awfully, butt-numbingly boring it may be. It comes with the job. That raises my readership(readerhood?) to four...score one for me.
And to the new guy, who is probably a better drummer but potentially less funny than I, I have this to say: you are now required to read this blog. No matter how God-awfully, butt-numbingly boring it may be. It comes with the job. That raises my readership(readerhood?) to four...score one for me.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Some Anatomy Information
Here is some information you probably had no idea you did not know. While this post may seem purely educational, be vigilant! For I have hidden some funny amongst the anatomy...
Lungs and Pleurae
What is the Inferior extent of the pleural cavity at the midclavicular, midaxillary and midscapular lines?
A: Posteriorly the pleural cavity extends to the level of T12, anteriorly at the midclavicular line it extends to about T8, and at the midaxillary line it extends to about T10.
What structures cause impressions on the lung?
A: Right lung has impressions from the trachea, esophagus, brachiocephalic vein, arch of the azygos vein, superior vena cava, rib 1, and a small cardiac impression. The left lung has impressions from the subclavian artery, arch of the aorta, descending aorta, small impressions from the trachea, first rib, and esophagus, and a large cardiac impression.
What causes the carina to become misshapen?
A: displacement by tumors, inflammation of the inferior tracheobronchial lymph nodes.
What nerve carries the cough reflex?
A: The vagus nerves.
A: The right main bronchus, because it is wider, shorter, and more vertically oriented than the left side.
What are the vertebral levels for sympathetic innervation of the lung?
A: T2-T5
What is a bronchopulmonary segment?
A: Surgically resectable section of the lung which contains a tertiary bronchus and its own arterial supply.
What is a pneumothorax? How can it occur?
A: A pneumothorax is the presence of air in the pleural cavity, which pressurizes the vacuum within that space and causes the lung to collapse. This can occur from a chest wall injury, such as a “sucking chest wound” like a stab or bullet hole. This can also occur iatrogenically, as in the case of central line anesthesia. A hemothorax is the presence of blood in the pleural cavity, and a hydrothorax is the presence of fluid in the pleural cavity, as in the case of pleural effusion.
What is a pulmonary thromboembolism? How can it occur?
A: A blood clot which usually forms in the large vessels of the legs and travels to the lungs. The clot travels though the right side of the heart to the lungs through a pulmonary artery, and can cause a blockage of blood flow to the lungs. This can result in pulmonary infarction. It can occur from injury to the lower limb, as well as prolonged periods of inactivity such as long flights.
Middle Mediastinum
Where is the heart located (surface projection)?
A: The superior border of the heart corresponds to a line connecting the 2nd left costal cartilage to the 3rd right costal cartilage. The right border corresponds to a line drawn from the 3rd right costal cartilage to the 6th right costal cartilage. The inferior border corresponds to a line from the 6th right costal cartilage to the 5th left intercostal space at the midclavicular line. The left border corresponds to a line connecting the left inferior border to the left superior border
.
What are the spatial relationships of chambers?
A: The right atrium forms the right border of the heart. The right ventricle forms the largest part of the anterior surface of the heart, as well as a small part of the diaphragmatic surface and the majority of the inferior border. The left atrium forms most of the base of the heart. The left ventricle forms the apex of the heart, nearly all of its left border, and most of the diaphragmatic surface.
What is the relationship of the heart to the lungs, diaphragm and thoracic wall?
A: The sternocostal aspect of the heart is formed mainly by the right ventricle. The diaphragmatic surface is formed mainly by the left ventricle and partly by the right ventricle. The right pulmonary surface is formed by the right atrium. The left pulmonary surface is formed by the left ventricle.
How do you locate the SA node?
A: Follow the crista terminalis superiorly in the right atrium to its end. Once there, you will find and old man who will instruct you in the ways of the force. After force proficiency is obtained, purchase an anatomy book and locate the SA node. The AV node is located on the floor of the right atrium next to the interventricular septum.
How is the heart innervated?
A: Sympathetic innervation comes from spinal preganglionic fibers exiting the spinal cord at T1-T4. These can either 1) synapse in the local chain ganglion and the postganglionic fibers will proceed to the cardiac plexus or 2) may ascend in the sympathetic trunk, synapse in the inferior (stellate), middle, and superior cervical ganglia and descend to the cardiac plexus as the inferior, middle, and superior cardiac splanchnic nerves. Parasympathetic innervation of the heart is supplied by the vagus nerve. The vagus nerve exits the skull through the jugular foramen and carries preganglionic fibers through the carotid sheath (anterior to the arch of the aorta on the left and posterior on the right) and synapses with postganglionic cells located within the external surface of the heart (visceral and pericardium). The cardiac plexus therefore receives its preganglionic sympathetic innervation from spinal nerves T1-T4, and postganglionic from the superior, middle, and inferior cardiac nerves. The parasympathetic innervation is supplied by preganglionics from the vagus nerve.
What are the vertebral levels of origin of the sympathetic innervation of the heart?
A: T1-T4
Specifically how are heart rate and contractility controlled?
A: The sinuatrial node controls heart rate, while the atrioventricular node controls contractility.
Where is referred pain from the heart perceived? Where are cell bodies located?
A: The pain afferents travel with the sympathetic innervation. Thus pain is felt in the T1-T4 dermatomes.
What are the typical branches of the right and left coronary arteries?
A: The right coronary artery gives rise to the SA nodal branch, the right marginal branch, and the posterior interventricular branch. The left coronary artery gives rise to the SA nodal branch (sometimes), the anterior interventricular (LAD), and the circumflex branch.
What is a typical case scenario for mitral valve regurgitation?
A: Mitral valve regurgitation often occurs after long nights of binge drinking. This is also the most commonly damaged valve in raptor fights, and mitral valve prolapse occurs in 1/20 people.
What is a typical case scenario for aortic valve incompetence?
A: Most often presents with a collapsing pulse, or a characteristically high pulse pressure (the difference between the systolic and diastolic BP).
Where does one position the stethoscope to best auscultate each of the 4 valves?
A: The aortic valve is best heard in the left 2nd intercostal space. The pulmonary valve is best heard in the right 2nd intercostal space. The tricuspid valve is best heard in the right 5th intercostal space, and the mitral valve is best heard at the apex of the heart.
Superior Mediastinum
What is the AP order of structures in the superior mediastinum?
A: Thymus, brachiocephalic veins and the superior vena cava, arch of the aorta and it’s branches, phrenic nerves, vagus nerves, left recurrent laryngeal nerve, cardiac plexus, trachea, esophagus, thoracic duct.
What are the relationships of the phrenic and vagus nerves?
A: Phrenic nerve descends lateral and anterior to the vagus nerve. This is greatly enjoyed by the vagus nerve.
What nerve curves under the arch of the aorta?
A: The left recurrent laryngeal nerve.
Posterior Mediastinum
What is the order of vessels leaving the arch of the aorta (R-L, A-P)?
A: Brachiocephalic trunk, left common carotid artery, left subclavian artery, posterior intercostal arteries, bronchial arteries, esophageal arteries, and the superior phrenic arteries.
What is the origin of the bronchial and esophageal arteries?
A: Most commonly the aorta(itself having been forged in the fires of mount doom), although the right bronchial arteries often arise from a right posterior intercostal artery.
What lies posterior to the esophagus at T5, T7, T9?
A: At T5, the thoracic duct passes posteriorly to the esophagus. The aorta is posterior to the esophagus around the levels of T7-T9.
What innervates the upper, middle and lower third of the esophagus?
A: The upper third is innervated by the vagus nerve, while the lower two thirds are innervated by the esophageal plexus.
What structures constrict the esophagus?
A: The arch of the aorta, the left main bronchus, and the diaphragm.
What does the phrenic nerve innervate and what are its vertebral levels of origin?
A: The phrenic nerve originates from the ventral rami of C3-C5 and innervates the pericardium and the diaphragm.
What happens to the diaphragm if one phrenic nerve is injured?
A: One side of the diaphragm will become paralyzed.
What are the vertebral levels of the origin of the greater, lesser, least splanchnic nerves?
A: The greater splanchnic nerve arises from T5-T9, the lesser splanchnic nerve arises from T10-T11, and the lease splanchnic nerve arises from T12.
What types of afferents travel with the vagus and greater, lesser, least splanchnic nerves?
A: Since the splanchnic nerves are preganglionic sympathetic fibers, visceral pain afferents will travel with them. The vagus nerve will carry reflexive visceral afferents with it, mediating cough and other reactions.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Ewok's is Dumb
It is my opinion that, evolutionarily, the Ewok species would have been taken out of the gene pool almost as soon as it entered. Aside from a tendency to worship shiny objects (which is a trait that has survived predominately in the ADD population), the species has no positive genetic traits which would promote it's survival. They are two feet tall, have no knees, and are most likely highly flammable (judging from their appearance). They are completely ignorant to technology(the helmet, for example), and have no apparent scientific community(as can been seen in their use of the "poke it with a stick" method of trauma assessment). So unless the Ewok evolved on a planet where the most dangerous predator was a bunny(which they didn't, since they demonstrate an inherent fear of anything larger than themselves) they would be a severely challenged species.
This is just another example of something that could have been really cool, yet hit a major road block from idea to implementation. Should have used the wookies man...and someone should have informed Harrison Ford that the pimp coat was not the best costume choice for those scenes...
This is just another example of something that could have been really cool, yet hit a major road block from idea to implementation. Should have used the wookies man...and someone should have informed Harrison Ford that the pimp coat was not the best costume choice for those scenes...
Monday, October 20, 2008
No doctor for you
John McCain has completely lost touch with the average American. This can be easily seen in his health care reform plan. There are currently two major problems with health care. Problem #1: Insurance is too damned expensive. My wife and I pay $600 a month for decent insurance. My family pays almost $2,000 a month, and still has $100 dollar co-pays and ridiculous deductibles. Problem #2: You can only get health insurance if you are healthy. Which makes perfect sense to me from a humanitarian and health care viewpoint.
So lets take a look at these problems. While the first problem is more widespread, it is the second that I find the most disturbing. Many people with potentially benign conditions are routinely denied health insurance simply because the insurance companies have determined that they are less profitable to cover. Health insurance operates based on one simple principle: the majority of people are healthy. To restate, people generally don't all get sick at the same time. The problem with sick people is that they don't fit this mold, and thus cause the health insurance company to actually pay for care. This cuts into profits, and God forbid we put people before a CEO's multimillion dollar salary. The worst part of all this is that financial advisers begin to make medical decisions. For example: Ulcerative Colitis is a disease in which ulcers in the colon cause bleeding, as well as other gastrointestinal distress. This disease is easily controlled, however, by medications (Asacol, Azulfidine, etc...). So why is it that Ulcerative Colitis is an automatic disqualification (preexisting condition) for almost every major health insurance company in the United States? Because its curable. The cure? A full colostomy. That's right, the complete removal of the colon and insertion of a tube (which penetrates the abdominal wall) and an external fecal collection bag. Speak with an insurance agent sometime about the matter, they will happily tell you that if you would kindly undergo major surgery(without insurance at this point I might add) and poop into a bag through a tube in your stomach for the rest of your life then they would happily insure you. THIS IS RETARDED. The insurance company is doing this to maintain their profit margin, and your medical decisions are being based on their ability to make money. No doctor who wants to keep their license would suggest surgery for an easily controlled condition! So why the hell should an insurance companies accountant tell you its required?
There is a potential solution to this, however, which allows insurance coverage for everyone while also allowing the insurance companies to maintain their profit margins. The solution is the creation of a national group health program. Not a program paid for by the government, but a group(just like the group you would be in through your employer) that is large enough to incorporate preexisting conditions and still maintain the "lets not everybody get sick at once" rule. This solution should, theoretically, be the best for both parties as well. For the democrats it provides universally available health care (not the same as universal health care) and for the republicans it encourages market competition by forcing insurance companies who do not participate in the national group program to become more competitive. This competition will eventually, through close regulation, bring prices down as well.
John "The Deregulator" McCain does not understand these ideas. McCain want to give every American a $5000 tax refund to pay for health care (while taxing employer paid health benefits). A $5000 dollar tax rebate will not do anything for the average person struggling to pay for health care, because it still requires you to have $5000 dollars to spend upfront. Tax rebates are never flat either, they are always based on income. So $5000 tax rebate almost certainly means "up to $5000" which means that, just like with the 2008 economic stimulus package, those who have more money will receive more money from the government. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Why don't we throw in some oil subsidies while we are at it. Don't get me wrong, I have absolutely no problem with a company being profitable or people being wealthy. I just think we should focus government resources on the people that actually need help.
The other blaring problem with McCain's plan is that it does absolutely nothing to help people with preexisting conditions obtain health insurance. The United States contains one of the most unhealthy populations in the world, yet we also spend more than almost anyone else on health care. Why is this? Because we don't take care of the sick. We don't cover preventive health care. We exclude people from coverage because they need to see a doctor. We bang our heads against a wall in an attempt to cure a headache. Great plan Napoleon.
Obama's plan, however, will work. It will allow people with preexisting conditions to obtain health care, and will regulate the market to put a stop to price gouging. It will also, through the emphasis on preventive health care, lower health care costs in the long run. Check out his website, read the ideas, compare them to McCain's. Then go out and vote. We can't afford Johnny McBush leading health care farther down the crapper.
So lets take a look at these problems. While the first problem is more widespread, it is the second that I find the most disturbing. Many people with potentially benign conditions are routinely denied health insurance simply because the insurance companies have determined that they are less profitable to cover. Health insurance operates based on one simple principle: the majority of people are healthy. To restate, people generally don't all get sick at the same time. The problem with sick people is that they don't fit this mold, and thus cause the health insurance company to actually pay for care. This cuts into profits, and God forbid we put people before a CEO's multimillion dollar salary. The worst part of all this is that financial advisers begin to make medical decisions. For example: Ulcerative Colitis is a disease in which ulcers in the colon cause bleeding, as well as other gastrointestinal distress. This disease is easily controlled, however, by medications (Asacol, Azulfidine, etc...). So why is it that Ulcerative Colitis is an automatic disqualification (preexisting condition) for almost every major health insurance company in the United States? Because its curable. The cure? A full colostomy. That's right, the complete removal of the colon and insertion of a tube (which penetrates the abdominal wall) and an external fecal collection bag. Speak with an insurance agent sometime about the matter, they will happily tell you that if you would kindly undergo major surgery(without insurance at this point I might add) and poop into a bag through a tube in your stomach for the rest of your life then they would happily insure you. THIS IS RETARDED. The insurance company is doing this to maintain their profit margin, and your medical decisions are being based on their ability to make money. No doctor who wants to keep their license would suggest surgery for an easily controlled condition! So why the hell should an insurance companies accountant tell you its required?
There is a potential solution to this, however, which allows insurance coverage for everyone while also allowing the insurance companies to maintain their profit margins. The solution is the creation of a national group health program. Not a program paid for by the government, but a group(just like the group you would be in through your employer) that is large enough to incorporate preexisting conditions and still maintain the "lets not everybody get sick at once" rule. This solution should, theoretically, be the best for both parties as well. For the democrats it provides universally available health care (not the same as universal health care) and for the republicans it encourages market competition by forcing insurance companies who do not participate in the national group program to become more competitive. This competition will eventually, through close regulation, bring prices down as well.
John "The Deregulator" McCain does not understand these ideas. McCain want to give every American a $5000 tax refund to pay for health care (while taxing employer paid health benefits). A $5000 dollar tax rebate will not do anything for the average person struggling to pay for health care, because it still requires you to have $5000 dollars to spend upfront. Tax rebates are never flat either, they are always based on income. So $5000 tax rebate almost certainly means "up to $5000" which means that, just like with the 2008 economic stimulus package, those who have more money will receive more money from the government. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Why don't we throw in some oil subsidies while we are at it. Don't get me wrong, I have absolutely no problem with a company being profitable or people being wealthy. I just think we should focus government resources on the people that actually need help.
The other blaring problem with McCain's plan is that it does absolutely nothing to help people with preexisting conditions obtain health insurance. The United States contains one of the most unhealthy populations in the world, yet we also spend more than almost anyone else on health care. Why is this? Because we don't take care of the sick. We don't cover preventive health care. We exclude people from coverage because they need to see a doctor. We bang our heads against a wall in an attempt to cure a headache. Great plan Napoleon.
Obama's plan, however, will work. It will allow people with preexisting conditions to obtain health care, and will regulate the market to put a stop to price gouging. It will also, through the emphasis on preventive health care, lower health care costs in the long run. Check out his website, read the ideas, compare them to McCain's. Then go out and vote. We can't afford Johnny McBush leading health care farther down the crapper.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Holy crap, I killed Pepsi
Pepsi-Co announced today that their Q3 earning are down 9.5%. In an unrelated story, I stopped buying soda to drink at home about that same period...
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
No more sexy time for you
Thank God for California and it's hard-line, no nonsense legislators. California announced today that they have closed two major loopholes in state law, thus making it harder for teachers who have committed sex crimes to remain teachers. Personally, I had no idea there was a state in the country where teachers could sleep with their students and keep their job. If I had, I would have moved there long ago and gone back to high school. And stayed there. But no longer shall immoral teachers corrupt our youth, not while the Governator is on the job. Damn you Schwarzenegger, how dare you make our children safer.
On a more serious note, it amazes me that this is even an issue. But I suppose that only in California could this law go overlooked. And I think it demonstrates a stark contrast (and iron contrast?) between state laws. In California your now less likely to keep your job if you have sex with a student, where as in the south you may or may not be executed for the offense...
On a more serious note, it amazes me that this is even an issue. But I suppose that only in California could this law go overlooked. And I think it demonstrates a stark contrast (and iron contrast?) between state laws. In California your now less likely to keep your job if you have sex with a student, where as in the south you may or may not be executed for the offense...
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Ill-Tempered Blankets
Another interesting headline: Army to step up offensive Afghan operations this winter.
I have yet to encounter this in medical school, but when I do I will be sure to update everyone on the specifics of the surgical corrective procedures used for bed-spreads lacking etiquette.
I took my first med school test yesterday. I was scared to death as I had hear rumors that, on average, 40% of the class will fail the first test. I don't know if there is any truth to that, but I only missed two questions on the test. Yay, I passed with a 93%.
I have yet to encounter this in medical school, but when I do I will be sure to update everyone on the specifics of the surgical corrective procedures used for bed-spreads lacking etiquette.
I took my first med school test yesterday. I was scared to death as I had hear rumors that, on average, 40% of the class will fail the first test. I don't know if there is any truth to that, but I only missed two questions on the test. Yay, I passed with a 93%.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Sensitive Information
I just saw a headline on Yahoo news which confuses me greatly. The headline read "Scientists Reveal Why Some Butterflies Have Eye Spots On Their Wings".
Thank you, o great scientists, for deaming me worthy of this information. After years of posessing this awe-inspiring knowledge you have finally chosen to pass it on to us lesser beings. We are forever in your debt.
Damn those scientists with their expensive research and their basketball....
Thank you, o great scientists, for deaming me worthy of this information. After years of posessing this awe-inspiring knowledge you have finally chosen to pass it on to us lesser beings. We are forever in your debt.
Damn those scientists with their expensive research and their basketball....
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Medical School Begins
Tuesday marked the begining of my medical school career. Now, during my undergraduate experience I learned something about myself. Chemistry is not one of my stronger points. I can understand it, but I would not invite it over for dinner on a regular basis. So what was my very first class in medical school? Biochemistry, 8am. Yay.
School has been entertaining so far, but I assume it will become rediculously difficult by the end of the week, at which time I will be starting anatomy, radiology, and histology. On the plus side, some of those classes allow me to wear fancy doctor clothes.
Also, today I am a year older. Yesterday I was 365 days older, but apparently that was not a worthwhile accomplishment.
School has been entertaining so far, but I assume it will become rediculously difficult by the end of the week, at which time I will be starting anatomy, radiology, and histology. On the plus side, some of those classes allow me to wear fancy doctor clothes.
Also, today I am a year older. Yesterday I was 365 days older, but apparently that was not a worthwhile accomplishment.
Monday, August 18, 2008
What do you mean "No Internet"?!?!?!!!!!
I finally have an internet connection again. People older than myself will (and have) mock me for my utter dependance on the internet, but I need it. Seriously, try living without it for a while, then try to remember how to operate a phone book, or find something in a new town with no maps...Now that I am connected to the world again, I will be posting more regularly. But for now, I need to be getting to class/orientation stuff...Apparently doctors often need orientating (orienting? Turning Japanese?).
Thursday, July 17, 2008
First Impression, Battlefield: Bad Company
While I am far from finishing the game, I have been given the opportunity to play through the first hour and a half of Battlefield: Bad Company. So far, the game has not disappointed. The game is packed with humor, explosions, and...well, more funny. How could that possibly go wrong?
The game is centered around four soldiers whose role in an indiscriminate war is uniquely summed up by a conversation between the games main characters. While being sent on what could easily be seen as a suicide mission, one of the soldiers remarks that the army has soldiers specially trained for the mission they are about to attempt. Another soldier blithely remarks that using them on this mission would be a waste of the army's money. Essentially, Bad Company is expendable, and the first line of defense in completely indefensible situations.
So far I have laughed, cried, and maybe even pooped a little...
The game is centered around four soldiers whose role in an indiscriminate war is uniquely summed up by a conversation between the games main characters. While being sent on what could easily be seen as a suicide mission, one of the soldiers remarks that the army has soldiers specially trained for the mission they are about to attempt. Another soldier blithely remarks that using them on this mission would be a waste of the army's money. Essentially, Bad Company is expendable, and the first line of defense in completely indefensible situations.
So far I have laughed, cried, and maybe even pooped a little...
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Kaboom!!!!!!
Today Iran test-launched weapons capable of striking Israel. Israel has said that if Iran does not discontinue all nuclear enrichment programs they will attack Iran. Iran has stated that they will retaliate if Israel attacks them. Where the hell is Winston Churchill when you need him? Seriously, we are all hosed. Where have the strong world leaders gone? People capable of stepping in and doing what had to be done. They have been replaced by Ol' George W. "Ramblin'" Bush and his "We need to fiximacate the middle eastish areas through militaryistic manuveration", while every once in a while Cheney jumps in with "don't forget about the oil!". And who the hell knows what is actually going on? The Iranian Special Guard leaders have stated that the act was to "demonstrate Iran's capability in hitting its enemies accurately at the early stages of their probable attacks against the Islamic Republic." All the while Ahmadinejad is saying that Iran does not want war. All of this goes on without thought one as to the well being of the people caught in the middle of these crossfires.
World events continue to play out dictated by the rich while the people they are supposed to represent die in the process. The men who call the shots, who decide to insight rage and invoke "patriotism" for the sake of financial gain, they are not the ones who kill their fellow man following a force fed ideal. They are not the ones who lay dead in the streets of a foreign country while other men in neatly pressed uniforms inform their families that they have been of "great service to our country". They don't spend their time hiding in their house scared to death that a bomb may kill them in their sleep, or that someone who disagrees with their religion may murder them on their way to temple or mosque.
Don't think I am just an anti-war hippie either. Their is a time when war is necessary. When millions are being slaughtered simply because one rich man thinks he is better than the rest, action must be taken. When the threat to the lives of your family and friends is imminent, action must be taken. But when innocent people die because one group believes themselves to be superior to another, then all logic is lost. Country is an arbitrary designation based on current economic situations. Cultural differences are very real, but never worth dying over. Churchill knew this. He continues to work through his children and grandchildren to convey this message. Israeli, Iranian, Iraqi, American, French, we are all people. It's pathetic that we put so much energy into killing each other. If only scientist ruled the world.
Our only hope may be that a universal threat appears and unites all people on a common front. My guess, it's gonna be the raptors. Hopefully it will be the Sith though, because lightsabers would be bas ass...
World events continue to play out dictated by the rich while the people they are supposed to represent die in the process. The men who call the shots, who decide to insight rage and invoke "patriotism" for the sake of financial gain, they are not the ones who kill their fellow man following a force fed ideal. They are not the ones who lay dead in the streets of a foreign country while other men in neatly pressed uniforms inform their families that they have been of "great service to our country". They don't spend their time hiding in their house scared to death that a bomb may kill them in their sleep, or that someone who disagrees with their religion may murder them on their way to temple or mosque.
Don't think I am just an anti-war hippie either. Their is a time when war is necessary. When millions are being slaughtered simply because one rich man thinks he is better than the rest, action must be taken. When the threat to the lives of your family and friends is imminent, action must be taken. But when innocent people die because one group believes themselves to be superior to another, then all logic is lost. Country is an arbitrary designation based on current economic situations. Cultural differences are very real, but never worth dying over. Churchill knew this. He continues to work through his children and grandchildren to convey this message. Israeli, Iranian, Iraqi, American, French, we are all people. It's pathetic that we put so much energy into killing each other. If only scientist ruled the world.
Our only hope may be that a universal threat appears and unites all people on a common front. My guess, it's gonna be the raptors. Hopefully it will be the Sith though, because lightsabers would be bas ass...
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Do they even sell fish by the barrel?
Went down to Bennett Spring for the 4th of July (or explosion day for those in the mid-west). Bennett Spring is, first, one of the coolest places in the state of Missouri that I have ever seen. It is, unfortunately, also the most frustrating. Bennett Spring is a natural spring which feeds into the Niangua river, and the department of fish and wildlife runs a trout hatchery there. The trout from this hatchery are then loaded BY THE TRUCK-FULL into the spring. All around me people are pulling fish out of the water like God himself was compelling the fish to jump into their nets. I, on the other hand, must have propitiated the wrong fish gods. I caught one fish. One rainbow trout. In a stocked lake. Stocked daily. Crap. I tried everything short of jumping in the water and wrestling the fish to shore by hand (coincidently, there is a printed rulebook that forbids this) and still caught only one damned fish. Catching one fish in a stocked lake is like going home alone from a hooker convention. Its frustrating to say the least.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
And We're Back...
After much delay, I can once again provide the world (rather the four people that read this) with my random crap I call writing. So without further ado...(A Dew?)
Found a kick ass Irish pub last night. A place called Clancy's, which looks to be a converted house. The entirety of the establishment fit inside approximately 800 square feet. The bar looked like it was propped on cinder blocks, and the front door looks like a kitchen entrance. The patrons inside were slightly shocking as well. Most of the people were middle aged, and wore clothing that demonstrated their wealth. Overall, the place was laid back, fun, and had $4 pints of Guinness.
On another note, I am currently watching Jurassic Park II, after which I will be investigating my house for potential Velociraptor entry points. You can never be too careful, spare no expense....
Found a kick ass Irish pub last night. A place called Clancy's, which looks to be a converted house. The entirety of the establishment fit inside approximately 800 square feet. The bar looked like it was propped on cinder blocks, and the front door looks like a kitchen entrance. The patrons inside were slightly shocking as well. Most of the people were middle aged, and wore clothing that demonstrated their wealth. Overall, the place was laid back, fun, and had $4 pints of Guinness.
On another note, I am currently watching Jurassic Park II, after which I will be investigating my house for potential Velociraptor entry points. You can never be too careful, spare no expense....
Monday, June 16, 2008
Huh?
Today I saw what was probably the most useless thing I have ever witnessed. I saw a deaf man at McDonald's...completely deaf...rocking out and playing air guitar. Complete with monotone humming. The guy was using sign language, could not hear a damn thing...so what does this accomplish? At first, I was in shock. I could not imagine why this man would do this. It seemed me to be the same as if I were to try using sign language to talk to him. I don't know sign language! I would probably end up accidentally calling his mom a whore and get my ass kicked.
Whats the point of this ridiculous and slightly offensive story? This man reminded me of another group of people who, like him, are exerting a significant amount of energy making noise with no apparent concept of what they are saying. This group of people is, of course, the hard-core conservatives of this country. The conservative reaction to the Supreme Courts decision to require due diligence for Guantanamo Bay detainees has been appalling. Specifically, Monica Crowley, a conservative radio talk show host, has been the most disturbing. Crowley has stated that by allowing detainees to have a Federal trial we are putting national security at risk. She continues to mock anyone who supports these rights for detainees, saying that they are "Liberal Crybabies" who would rather whine than protect our country.
This is pathetic. The Supreme Court has not voted to grant amnesty or release detainees. They have simply voted to require the same standards of a trial that any criminal in this country can expect. Why is this a crime? How does this put our national security at risk? We are putting them on trial, not giving them ice cream and cake! The statements made by Crowley and others show their lack of faith in the United States judicial system. Oh crap! If we put them on trial they may be found innocent! Then who will we blame? Why can't we just take them out back and shoot them now and avoid the possibility that they could be innocent?
To preface: I am making no statements to the guilt or innocence of those being detained at Guantanamo Bay. I am not an attorney, nor am I familiar with the intricacies of the cases. However, I would like Crowley and her colleagues to consider the following scenario: Imagine you are detained in a foreign country. Imagine that you are indeed innocent, and have been unjustly detained. Now imagine that a group of people in the country where you are being detained have classified you as less than human, grouped you with other detainees (all of which for the sake of this hypothetical are guilty), and punish you without a proper trial. Everyday before this you will be screaming about your God-given rights as a human being, and that you deserve the opportunity to prove you are innocent. Unfortunately for you, the country where you are being held believes that those God-given rights only extend to their citizens. Sorry, but you are clearly guilty because we say you are. I am willing to bet that in this situation you would be pleading for a "liberal crybaby" to come along and help.
If your going to argue that detainees do not deserve a Federal trial thats your business. But if you are, then please have a logical reason for doing so. Do not resort to playing on a false sense of patriotism, do not demonize those who disagree with you, and do not continually use Barack Obama's middle name as if it some how makes him a terrorist. This is childish, and the final refuge of a weak mind in an argument. Do not call me a terrorist, or question my dedication to the security of my family and country because I disagree with your opinion on this matter. Grow up. Learn to debate without name calling and self-righteousness.
Whats the point of this ridiculous and slightly offensive story? This man reminded me of another group of people who, like him, are exerting a significant amount of energy making noise with no apparent concept of what they are saying. This group of people is, of course, the hard-core conservatives of this country. The conservative reaction to the Supreme Courts decision to require due diligence for Guantanamo Bay detainees has been appalling. Specifically, Monica Crowley, a conservative radio talk show host, has been the most disturbing. Crowley has stated that by allowing detainees to have a Federal trial we are putting national security at risk. She continues to mock anyone who supports these rights for detainees, saying that they are "Liberal Crybabies" who would rather whine than protect our country.
This is pathetic. The Supreme Court has not voted to grant amnesty or release detainees. They have simply voted to require the same standards of a trial that any criminal in this country can expect. Why is this a crime? How does this put our national security at risk? We are putting them on trial, not giving them ice cream and cake! The statements made by Crowley and others show their lack of faith in the United States judicial system. Oh crap! If we put them on trial they may be found innocent! Then who will we blame? Why can't we just take them out back and shoot them now and avoid the possibility that they could be innocent?
To preface: I am making no statements to the guilt or innocence of those being detained at Guantanamo Bay. I am not an attorney, nor am I familiar with the intricacies of the cases. However, I would like Crowley and her colleagues to consider the following scenario: Imagine you are detained in a foreign country. Imagine that you are indeed innocent, and have been unjustly detained. Now imagine that a group of people in the country where you are being detained have classified you as less than human, grouped you with other detainees (all of which for the sake of this hypothetical are guilty), and punish you without a proper trial. Everyday before this you will be screaming about your God-given rights as a human being, and that you deserve the opportunity to prove you are innocent. Unfortunately for you, the country where you are being held believes that those God-given rights only extend to their citizens. Sorry, but you are clearly guilty because we say you are. I am willing to bet that in this situation you would be pleading for a "liberal crybaby" to come along and help.
If your going to argue that detainees do not deserve a Federal trial thats your business. But if you are, then please have a logical reason for doing so. Do not resort to playing on a false sense of patriotism, do not demonize those who disagree with you, and do not continually use Barack Obama's middle name as if it some how makes him a terrorist. This is childish, and the final refuge of a weak mind in an argument. Do not call me a terrorist, or question my dedication to the security of my family and country because I disagree with your opinion on this matter. Grow up. Learn to debate without name calling and self-righteousness.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Unattainable Aspirations
It seems to me that people spend too much pursuing things that there is no way in hell they can get. Think about it. Have you ever been sitting with someone, watching TV, and some insanely hot woman comes on, prompting the other guys in the room to begin to outline in somewhat disturbing detail how they would like to spend an evening with her? Exactly, I'm sure the millionaire actress in interested in your Dixie cup and gopher fantasies. Hey, guess what...Its not gonna happen buddy.
It all reminds me of when I was aboot 4 years old. I became completely fed up with my parents and decided to run away from home. Now, I wasn't one of those retarded kids who packs up his stuffed animals and leaves in the middle of the night. I packed up two boxes of Cheerios and a blanket and hit the road. I was on my way to Canada to become, umm...a Canadian I guess, and I knew what it took to get by in the world. Unfortunately after discovering that they won't sell bus tickets to 4 year olds I was stranded at a bus station in North Carolina with a half box of Cheerios and no money. Not a good place to be. To sum up the rest of the story, I learned a very hard lesson about what it takes to make money as a four year old in a bus station...
The moral of the above story is that you shouldn't spend your time wishing you had something that you can't have and use that time to develop those things you can. This is a hard lesson to learn. It took me several years to cope with the fact that I could never be Canadian. I could never be the man that Colin Mochrie was...My dreams of proudly smoking dope and playing hockey were crushed, and I would never be the same again. But I grew up, I moved on, and I learned not to watch re-runs of "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" late at night...
Sorry for the aboot a few paragraphs ago, I guess some dreams never completely die...
It all reminds me of when I was aboot 4 years old. I became completely fed up with my parents and decided to run away from home. Now, I wasn't one of those retarded kids who packs up his stuffed animals and leaves in the middle of the night. I packed up two boxes of Cheerios and a blanket and hit the road. I was on my way to Canada to become, umm...a Canadian I guess, and I knew what it took to get by in the world. Unfortunately after discovering that they won't sell bus tickets to 4 year olds I was stranded at a bus station in North Carolina with a half box of Cheerios and no money. Not a good place to be. To sum up the rest of the story, I learned a very hard lesson about what it takes to make money as a four year old in a bus station...
The moral of the above story is that you shouldn't spend your time wishing you had something that you can't have and use that time to develop those things you can. This is a hard lesson to learn. It took me several years to cope with the fact that I could never be Canadian. I could never be the man that Colin Mochrie was...My dreams of proudly smoking dope and playing hockey were crushed, and I would never be the same again. But I grew up, I moved on, and I learned not to watch re-runs of "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" late at night...
Sorry for the aboot a few paragraphs ago, I guess some dreams never completely die...
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Jesus Has Been Found!
A woman in Detroit found Jesus. He was hiding in an alley two blocks away from a church. When asked why He has been so elusive, despite the nation-wide manhunt spearheaded by a joint commission consisting of both Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormons, He had nothing to say...because he is a statue. The statue was stolen from a church a few weeks ago, and apparently has been hanging out in a alley. Authorities believe that the statue was stolen to be melted and sold for scrap copper, but when the thieves figured out it was plaster they ditched it.
In other news, the toilet on the international space station has been fixed. Turns out the only repair necessary was to have a crazed Russian smack it with a stick. Because thats how you fix things on Russian space station...
In other news, the toilet on the international space station has been fixed. Turns out the only repair necessary was to have a crazed Russian smack it with a stick. Because thats how you fix things on Russian space station...
Sunday, June 1, 2008
How do you say alien in Mayan?
After seeing Indiana Jones, I am certain that I understand how that movie came into being. George Lucas was sitting around drinking...heavily...and saw a prop head from Aliens. Mr. Lucas then proceeded to stand up and exclaim "Bugger all, let's write a bloody movie!" And thus Jones the fourth was born.
The movie was entertaining. Suspend any recollection of the real world you may have, and the movie is funny. But there were a few things that really bothered me. 1) While a lead lined refrigerator may in fact shield you from some radiation, it will not shield you from a several hundred foot fall. They would have opened that fridge and Ol' Henry would have been broken and dead. 2) I have a degree in Classical Greek. If someone came to me and was speaking ancient Greek, I would have no idea what they were saying. Ancient languages are taught as a reading skill, not speaking. Just because he is an archaeologist it does not mean he can speak ancient alien. 3) Who were the psychotic people guarding the tomb? Who were the guys who came out of the walls at the temple? What was the gift that the "inter-dimensional beings" wanted to give them? How did Marian survive getting whacked by that branch? Who stole the skull in the first place? Why would the conquistador go looking for a skull that he also was apparently the one who stole? How did Jones become the Associate Dean when all evidence of his discovery were destroyed? All evidence of all his discoveries has been destroyed?
They took half a good movie, and then filled the rest of it with crap. I was entertained, but I don't think I will see it again.
The movie was entertaining. Suspend any recollection of the real world you may have, and the movie is funny. But there were a few things that really bothered me. 1) While a lead lined refrigerator may in fact shield you from some radiation, it will not shield you from a several hundred foot fall. They would have opened that fridge and Ol' Henry would have been broken and dead. 2) I have a degree in Classical Greek. If someone came to me and was speaking ancient Greek, I would have no idea what they were saying. Ancient languages are taught as a reading skill, not speaking. Just because he is an archaeologist it does not mean he can speak ancient alien. 3) Who were the psychotic people guarding the tomb? Who were the guys who came out of the walls at the temple? What was the gift that the "inter-dimensional beings" wanted to give them? How did Marian survive getting whacked by that branch? Who stole the skull in the first place? Why would the conquistador go looking for a skull that he also was apparently the one who stole? How did Jones become the Associate Dean when all evidence of his discovery were destroyed? All evidence of all his discoveries has been destroyed?
They took half a good movie, and then filled the rest of it with crap. I was entertained, but I don't think I will see it again.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Standing room only...
Today the Democratic Party will meet to attempt to decide the fate of Florida and Michigan. My prediction: Clinton will bitch.
Why? The delegates will not be fully seated. There are only two practical choices that can be pursued. Either 1) Only a percentage of the delegates will be seated from either state or 2) all of the delegates will be seated but they will only be given a percentage of their vote. Both of these scenarios end in Hillary Clinton bitching.
Here is my solution-Obama and Clinton must Kung Fu fight!
Why? The delegates will not be fully seated. There are only two practical choices that can be pursued. Either 1) Only a percentage of the delegates will be seated from either state or 2) all of the delegates will be seated but they will only be given a percentage of their vote. Both of these scenarios end in Hillary Clinton bitching.
Here is my solution-Obama and Clinton must Kung Fu fight!
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Donuts: An Instrument of Death
Rachel Ray is a terrorist, an radical Islamic apologist, and someone who is able to make a decent meal in 30 minutes or less. How dare she wear a scarf in a Dunkin' Donuts commercial? (For anyone who has yet to hear about this- http://money.cnn.com/2008/05/29/news/companies/dunkin_donuts)
Michelle Malkin says that this scarf is a kaffiyeh. What the hell is a kaffiyeh? According to Malkin ''The kaffiyeh, for the clueless, is the traditional scarf of Arab men that has come to symbolize murderous Palestinian jihad". That's right, for the clueless. It is your duty as an American to be an expert in all things that could possibly be misinterpreted, bastardized, and used to accuse someone of being a terrorist or a sympathizer. Is this really what we have reduced ourselves to? Here is a bit of information that the Ms. Malkin may be unaware of: ARAB DOES NOT EQUAL TERRORIST. Wearing a fruity white scarf with frazzled ends does not make you a terrorist. And being a liberal does not make you a terrorist, despite the ignorance of many in this country. Had Rachel Ray appeared in a Donut commercial wearing a swastika or holding a burning cross, believe me I would be outraged. But she is wearing a scarf, one which resembles a common style worn in the middle east by common people in the middle east. If she were to appear in the commercial wearing a hoodie would Malkin accuse her of being the uni-bomber? If she were wearing a red shirt would she be accused of being a communist? No.
Where then does this accusation originate? Ignorance. Cultural ignorance, and the right's desperate attempts to distract us from the issues effecting us here at home. It is the accusation of a conservative screaming out "Hey, look over here! Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain who has tanked our economy and backed us into foreign policy corner! Who cares if people are dying in Myanmar and China, who cares if you can't afford to drive to work because gas is $3.95 a gallon while oil companies make billions? RACHEL RAY IS A TERRORIST! And Dunkin' Donuts is Satan!" Yes, terrorism is a horrific thing which is a tremendous blight on human society. The mere fact that one person feels they are so superior to another that they have the right to kill them reflects ignorance and barbarism. But overreacting to ridiculous things like a scarf does nothing to decrease the incidence of terror attacks in the world. I can say with extreme confidence that no terrorists are going to be emboldened by a dumpy scarf in a Donut commercial. Rachel Ray is not signaling Bin Laden with her scarf, and she is not sending 30 minute meals to Afghanistan disguised as iced coffee. If she were, her bank transaction behavior and travel habits would probably be better indicators than her clothing.
Think about what your saying before you say it.
Michelle Malkin says that this scarf is a kaffiyeh. What the hell is a kaffiyeh? According to Malkin ''The kaffiyeh, for the clueless, is the traditional scarf of Arab men that has come to symbolize murderous Palestinian jihad". That's right, for the clueless. It is your duty as an American to be an expert in all things that could possibly be misinterpreted, bastardized, and used to accuse someone of being a terrorist or a sympathizer. Is this really what we have reduced ourselves to? Here is a bit of information that the Ms. Malkin may be unaware of: ARAB DOES NOT EQUAL TERRORIST. Wearing a fruity white scarf with frazzled ends does not make you a terrorist. And being a liberal does not make you a terrorist, despite the ignorance of many in this country. Had Rachel Ray appeared in a Donut commercial wearing a swastika or holding a burning cross, believe me I would be outraged. But she is wearing a scarf, one which resembles a common style worn in the middle east by common people in the middle east. If she were to appear in the commercial wearing a hoodie would Malkin accuse her of being the uni-bomber? If she were wearing a red shirt would she be accused of being a communist? No.
Where then does this accusation originate? Ignorance. Cultural ignorance, and the right's desperate attempts to distract us from the issues effecting us here at home. It is the accusation of a conservative screaming out "Hey, look over here! Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain who has tanked our economy and backed us into foreign policy corner! Who cares if people are dying in Myanmar and China, who cares if you can't afford to drive to work because gas is $3.95 a gallon while oil companies make billions? RACHEL RAY IS A TERRORIST! And Dunkin' Donuts is Satan!" Yes, terrorism is a horrific thing which is a tremendous blight on human society. The mere fact that one person feels they are so superior to another that they have the right to kill them reflects ignorance and barbarism. But overreacting to ridiculous things like a scarf does nothing to decrease the incidence of terror attacks in the world. I can say with extreme confidence that no terrorists are going to be emboldened by a dumpy scarf in a Donut commercial. Rachel Ray is not signaling Bin Laden with her scarf, and she is not sending 30 minute meals to Afghanistan disguised as iced coffee. If she were, her bank transaction behavior and travel habits would probably be better indicators than her clothing.
Think about what your saying before you say it.
CNN Strikes Back
A brief look at today's top stories:
Earthquake Strikes Iceland- A magnitude 6.1 earthquake struck southern Iceland today. Reports from Reykjavik confirm that Bjork is doing fine.
Helicopter Crashes on Hospital Roof- If your gonna crash a helicopter...
Pelosi Prepared to Step In and End Race- Because there can be only one!
Bill Murray's Wife Files for Divorce- He couldn't hide groundhog day forever...
Earthquake Strikes Iceland- A magnitude 6.1 earthquake struck southern Iceland today. Reports from Reykjavik confirm that Bjork is doing fine.
Helicopter Crashes on Hospital Roof- If your gonna crash a helicopter...
Pelosi Prepared to Step In and End Race- Because there can be only one!
Bill Murray's Wife Files for Divorce- He couldn't hide groundhog day forever...
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Just roll down the window...
This just in: The only can on the International Space Station is broken. The Russian and his power dump broke it. An emergency plumbing run is scheduled to be added to discovery's mission next week. So although the solid waste containment unit is functioning, the astronauts will be swimming in pee for the next week. Thanks Russia, way to be a team player...
For now NASA's solution is a simple sign:
This one broke, Don't use
For now NASA's solution is a simple sign:
This one broke, Don't use
This post broke
Today at work I saw a magnificent example of professional written communication. One of the stalls in the bathroom is out of order. But what sign awaits the weary traveler, searching for reprieve? A simple, handwritten sign that read "This one broke, Don't use". As far as I am aware it has always been considered unprofessional to use informal (speaking) language when writing objective or public service information. Given that, this sign confuses the hell out of me. Its not only written in an informal manner, but it essentially uses language that should qualify as sub-koine vernacular. If this sign represents common spoken English, our language is boned. Don't believe me? Go read the declaration of Independence, or anything written by Thomas Jefferson for that matter. Take Shakespeare to a public school in downtown St. Louis and ask people on the street to read and explain any passage. Now take those same people and ask them to read and explain a verse from any recent rap song. I guarantee the latter will generate more coherent interpretations.
Don't get me wrong, I don't blame rap for the degeneration of the English language. I blame this simple fact, posited to me by one of my psychology professors in college: people are lazy. The majority of human behavior is dictated by our inherent laziness. We create stereotypes because our brains are too lazy to form and retain independent information about everyone we see, so we create shortcuts to save time. We group numbers together because we are too lazy mentally to remember longer numbers (think about your phone number vs. your bank account number, which are you more likely to remember?). We have microwaves because we are too lazy to cook real food, TVs because we are too lazy to go outside, and Bill O'Reilly because were too lazy to form angry mobs. This degradation in English is not a cultural phenomenon, its not the expression of a new generation, its the manifestation of our laziness. We are too lazy to read, too lazy to learn to speak our language properly. We are not reverting to earlier versions of the language, and we are not incorporating Gullah or any other language. We are simply lazy.
Ever seen the movie idiocracy? That is were this language is leading us. We will have the masturbation channel. We will have commercials that say "Carl's JR: Fuck you, I'm Eating". This has moved beyond the realm of debating the legitimacy of "aint" and right into complete innanity. Please learn to speak english. Please teach your children to speak english. If you are unable to learn to speak enlish, then please refrain from having children. The future of professional communication depends on it.
Don't get me wrong, I don't blame rap for the degeneration of the English language. I blame this simple fact, posited to me by one of my psychology professors in college: people are lazy. The majority of human behavior is dictated by our inherent laziness. We create stereotypes because our brains are too lazy to form and retain independent information about everyone we see, so we create shortcuts to save time. We group numbers together because we are too lazy mentally to remember longer numbers (think about your phone number vs. your bank account number, which are you more likely to remember?). We have microwaves because we are too lazy to cook real food, TVs because we are too lazy to go outside, and Bill O'Reilly because were too lazy to form angry mobs. This degradation in English is not a cultural phenomenon, its not the expression of a new generation, its the manifestation of our laziness. We are too lazy to read, too lazy to learn to speak our language properly. We are not reverting to earlier versions of the language, and we are not incorporating Gullah or any other language. We are simply lazy.
Ever seen the movie idiocracy? That is were this language is leading us. We will have the masturbation channel. We will have commercials that say "Carl's JR: Fuck you, I'm Eating". This has moved beyond the realm of debating the legitimacy of "aint" and right into complete innanity. Please learn to speak english. Please teach your children to speak english. If you are unable to learn to speak enlish, then please refrain from having children. The future of professional communication depends on it.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Space-Time
I believe that, although a brilliant physicist, Einstein neglected a crucial element when investigating the relationship between mass and time. While Einstein did say that an objects mass effects how it experiences time, i.e. the more massive an object is the more it distorts space-time. He neglected to take into account an objects position in space relative to surrounding masses. For example, although the pharmacy technician assures you that your prescription will be filled in 15 minutes, it actually takes 45. How can it be that these seasoned professionals are consistently wrong about the amount of time it takes to complete the core task of their position? The simplest answer is this: Space-Time is distorted differently within the confines of a pharmacy than outside of it. Perhaps the average pharmacist is less dense than the average person, or perhaps pharmacies are constructed of some magical material...I don't know, I'm not a doctor. But somehow, time moves slower within a pharmacy. And the most disturbing part of this phenomenon is that it has begun to spread to other establishments (I blame the LHC). Drive through windows for example- "Please pull forward and we will bring your food out to you in just a minute". Right. Somehow that minute turns into 10 and I'm late for work. Thanks ass hat.
NASA needs to invest time and money into investigating this phenomenon. Better yet, they should pay me to do it for them. But I will need lots of money...and a car...and an expense account...
This atrocity must be addressed, for the love of God somebody please think of our impatient children.
NASA needs to invest time and money into investigating this phenomenon. Better yet, they should pay me to do it for them. But I will need lots of money...and a car...and an expense account...
This atrocity must be addressed, for the love of God somebody please think of our impatient children.
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